Thursday, March 5, 2009

I return home - hell

I spent a few days just hanging around the outside of Rockies trailer. On the drive back to town she barely looked at me but once and never spoke. She smoked and drove until we got to town. She never asked "where to?" she just dropped my ass off at the entrance to the ramp and took off. But this allowed me to see where she went.

This "town" is a cluster of very old houses, about fifty, and a large ring of trailer homes around the houses in an arc. That's it. No one really knows why they were here, but some think they were abandoned homes that workers stayed while mining or something. This makes sense as there is no running water, no electricity, and no mail, or services of any kind. Most people have lanterns, candles and fire pits for light. A few have generators. At the moment I had nothing. The house I was in was deteriorating rapidly. The roof was blowing off bit by bit when the wind picked up. The front door was warped and didn't close. Half the windows were broken and there was debris all around. All I ever really had was some lawn furniture and a ton of crap left by my parents. The lawn furniture was useful so I was aware of it, but the rest of the stuff was just piles and piles of seemingly garbage. I spent most of my time in the front room sitting in the lawn chairs and sleeping or simply trying not to go insane. I knew I needed to do something but was empty and clueless as to what to do – I was paralyzed in hell. The only things that let me know I was alive was the rising and setting of the sun and the train passing by outside of town.

The train runs frequently past our town and cuts across the interstate a few miles out of town. On the other side of the interstate from us is nothing but flat endless desert. I spent a few weeks bumming food off neighbors, but the pickings were slim. I spent the rest of my time staying around Rockies trailer. I had to hover around the northern side because her dad had a gun and a temper. There are a lot of bitter and desperate people here, but he was one of the most bitter. After a while Rocky walked up to me out of the blue and asked me what the f*** do I want. I didn't know what to say.

Out of nowhere my mind snapped and I said I want out of hell. She cocked her head sideways and looked almost like she was smiling. I will never forget this moment in my life as it was the moment my life changed – no the moment it started.

Next: The plans are laid


  1. I like your writting style...
    I'm staying tuned :)

  2. me to. i just hope this doesn't end with you being saved by jesus.